Like/Dislike

I have an issue with approval. In a major way. So much so that when I think someone, who is not a best friend, a long term partner, or a family member, doesn't like me I have two ways that I deal with it in my brain- neither one of them are very successful for my sense of growth, nor are they recommended, so please don't follow this creed.

Ahem,
If I feel like the person I have offended in my mind (because sometimes I haven't really offended anyone, they just merely voiced their discontent with a senario that I am involved with- a perfectly normal way of dealing with conflicts, and have since then moved on with their lives) I can assess the situation and approach the person with extreme deference- gifts, hugs, compliments, emails, a veritable flurry of rolling over and showing my tummy.  Not hot, and totally a dichotamous way of seeing people and their behavior.


The other approach is one where I decide that there is no way this person will ever like me again, or their discontent was unfounded and unfair.  When that happens, the person becomes dead to me.  Literally.  I avoid them like shit on the floor.  No joke.  And as a result I am sure I leave the person feeling befuddled and upset, and rightfully so.  Perhaps I am trying to make them feel the way I felt when I was presented with the conflict in the first place.  This is an epiphany people, I have no idea if that is actually what happens, but it seems right to me as I type it.  Again, an unfair and a slightly insane way of dealing with conflict- which I believe reveals that I see people as two dimensional when any kind of conflict is thrown my way.

You see my dilemma right folks?  So the question is, how do I start to effectively deal with this crazy way of seeing people in conflict with me?  Thankfully I'm heading out to therapy this week after a long hiatus, and maybe I will find more solutions, which I will eventually dutifully share with all of you.  All one of you, or all none of you.  I'm not sure who even looks at this thing anymore.  I will be definitely sharing it with myself. ;-)

One another related note:
I also have problems with vulnerability when it comes to admitting my issues. But I am also  learning that it is the very nature of vulnerability that makes us feel connected to others, happy, and at peace with ourselves.  I'm trusting that one, I don't totally buy it yet with all people, but I have had some serious success with a few select humans on this earth.  So far the test subjects aren't letting me down, and my percent error is low. Sigh, a complicated web.

Hope you enjoy the sunny sunday east coasters, and wherever the rest of you are, hope your day is well too.

xo
Michele