In my dreams I would be the littlest kid from Captain Planet. For those of you who don't remember this highly acclaimed piece of after school animation, Captain Planet would be summoned by five kids, each wielding a ring that contained an element of the earth. He would form from the rings' beams of light and then save the planet from toxic waste, pollution, ignorance, and the government. (ok I added that last one in myself.) ANYWAY each kid was really tall and confident and they would bellow with the voices of adults, fire! water! earth! and air! The only dinky kid in the group, who was the last one to go, was Ma-Ti, who squeaked out, HEART! and then, only then, could Captain Planet arrive.
Commence wash of nostalgia:
I would be Ma-Ti, but without the others. I know what you're thinking, damn that's cute, and (wait for it,) REALLY AWESOME. That's how I attract the ladies my friends.
Well, sadly I'm not Ma-Ti. I would say that the only thing that is predominant in my personality more previlant than my ever swelling and bleeding heart would be my crippling anxiety.
In the real world, I am Anxiety Girl! Able to leap to conclusions in a single bound!
I feel dizzy- I'm gonna die! (naturally)
I haven't heard from my best friend in a week and a half- he must have heard some terrible lies from an unknown informant and now has written me off and will never speak to me again! (a normal conclusion)
My eye is twitching- I have probably ingested neurotoxins from the apple I didn't wash off! Now I'm effed!(of course! this happens all the time)
Yes my friends, I am the REAL anxiety girl. I don't need a cape when I have my worries to keep me warm. Look! A ball of yarn! I'm going to worry about that in the corner! The safety of the planet depends on it! ZOOM! Plop! Commence worrying!
here's a picture of her courtesy of nataliedee.com
If you really take a look at the two superheroes I picked out, they are opposites of each other. This is rife with all sorts of psychological analysis. I mean, on my best days, I am how I would truly love to view myself, one who loves all people, who does good things with my time, and who makes others feel loved, confident and important. The anxiety girl is really a manifestation of my younger self who didn't get enough of Ma-Ti's heart filled beams from myself and others, so I am constantly trying to look out for anything that could hurt my life, my cares, and my joys.
Anxiety Girl is really my arch nemesis. The evil villain of this screen play. She's mostly locked up in some insane asylum with guards round the clock, but every once and a while, like once a week on a good week, or once every hour or so, on a bad day, she breaks lose tormenting the citizens of Gotham city and leaving me at her mercy.
Ma-Ti is getting stronger though, folks. This is my PSA for therapy. If I didn't have Judy,(best therapist ever!), my lady, my sister, my best friends, and the fam, i probably would have an ulcer and then die. or develop a brain tumor and then lose all balance and then crash into oblivion. or you know develop a nervous twitch that would keep me out of work, penniless and hopeless.
But for right now, I'm just gonna work on not thinking about being dizzy and go to the doctor.
love
m
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